Smoking. Its not a habit im keen on, but not being a smoker i cant really attest to the "mmm..lovely fags" pleasureable aspect of it, although i dont object to other folk taking the habit up and enjoying as they see fit.
The bit that bothers me? Cigarette butts. Its come to my attention of late that my neighbours smoke a lot. The way i`ve found this out is by the amount of cigarette butts which are accumulating in my garden, presumably by way of the middle/index finger and thumb flick which is apparently the coolest thing since hiding in a freezer and prentending to be an ice cream. I do know a lot of smokers who are quite careful about disposing of their "fends" (already im sick of writing "cigarette butss/ends" in full...so this clumsy condensing portmanteau will have to do. Deal with it.) but there are still quite a number who insist on thinking that fend firing is the sport of kings and they should be lauded accordingly.
Surely there must be a way to deal with this? In the case of my neighbors i will be having a word, but f it keeps up i may start to gather together all the offending fends i find (try saying that after a couple of glasses of wine), and post them back through their letterbox, along with some of the contents of the cat litter tray. Or maybe i shall take every item in the garden and build an enormound sculpture out of it, which will both bemuse and frighten them. If im lucky they`ll believe it to be some sort of deity and begin worshipping it. All hail, the great God Fagash.
Sir Crack of Mandibles
Random thoughts from the Mandibles clan
Tuesday 30 July 2013
Saturday 22 June 2013
Cinemanners
When I win the lottery, I am going to open my own cinema. It wont be very popular, because it will have RULES.
TRAILERS
1.Use the time when the trailers are on to switch your phone off. OFF. Not on silent, because you just wont be able to resist checking it will you? I know you are the very centre of the Universe, but it managed for a very long time before you arrived and will continue to do so after you've gone. So switch your phone off for a couple of hours. Cos that glowing screen isn't any less distracting than your phone ringing.
2. This is also the time to find your seats, go to the loo, buy your overpriced snacks and impart that last gem of information to your companions. Then STFU.
3. Snacks - nothing which needs to be unwrapped, or needs to be crunched. You have evolved enough not to die of starvation if you don't eat for the duration of the film. But if you are going to eat, do it quietly. And reaching into a bag and unwrapping a sweet really slowly doesn't actually make it quiter.
THE FILM
1. If you didn't get in by the time the trailers were finished, tough, you're not getting in now.
2. Do some research on the film before you come to see it. That way, we wont all have to listen to you ask your companion what it's about, what you saw that guy in before, run through everything you think it might have been, before realising it's not who you though it was.
3. Anyone kicking the back of the chair in front, will be taken to the front of the cinema at the end of the film, and shot. To death.
4. If you suddenly remember an important nugget of information that simply cannot wait until the end of the film, then quietly leave the cinema with the lucky recipient of the information. The rest of us can live without knowing whether or not the fact that some wee ned offered you a swig of his Buckfast means he fancies you.
5. If you have a short attention span or are just challenged by a film that you need to concentrate on - stay at home and wait for the dvd.
6. If you don't like the film, get up quietly and leave. Don't have a debate, don't go into all the reasons you don't like it ( usually, the phrase "This is shite, man" is the most popular critique).
AFTER THE FILM
1. You managed to carry in your drink cup and feeding trough when you came in - guess what - it's lighter now and easier to carry out to the bin! ("Bin" is not the term for under your seat or the stairs)
2. If people are waiting to come in to see the film you are leaving, don't talk about the film, especially if there is a big twist. It's not funny, and if you do this, you are a twat..
Apart from that, I'm pretty easy going about going to the cinema ;).
Princess Mandibles
TRAILERS
1.Use the time when the trailers are on to switch your phone off. OFF. Not on silent, because you just wont be able to resist checking it will you? I know you are the very centre of the Universe, but it managed for a very long time before you arrived and will continue to do so after you've gone. So switch your phone off for a couple of hours. Cos that glowing screen isn't any less distracting than your phone ringing.
2. This is also the time to find your seats, go to the loo, buy your overpriced snacks and impart that last gem of information to your companions. Then STFU.
3. Snacks - nothing which needs to be unwrapped, or needs to be crunched. You have evolved enough not to die of starvation if you don't eat for the duration of the film. But if you are going to eat, do it quietly. And reaching into a bag and unwrapping a sweet really slowly doesn't actually make it quiter.
THE FILM
1. If you didn't get in by the time the trailers were finished, tough, you're not getting in now.
2. Do some research on the film before you come to see it. That way, we wont all have to listen to you ask your companion what it's about, what you saw that guy in before, run through everything you think it might have been, before realising it's not who you though it was.
3. Anyone kicking the back of the chair in front, will be taken to the front of the cinema at the end of the film, and shot. To death.
4. If you suddenly remember an important nugget of information that simply cannot wait until the end of the film, then quietly leave the cinema with the lucky recipient of the information. The rest of us can live without knowing whether or not the fact that some wee ned offered you a swig of his Buckfast means he fancies you.
5. If you have a short attention span or are just challenged by a film that you need to concentrate on - stay at home and wait for the dvd.
6. If you don't like the film, get up quietly and leave. Don't have a debate, don't go into all the reasons you don't like it ( usually, the phrase "This is shite, man" is the most popular critique).
AFTER THE FILM
1. You managed to carry in your drink cup and feeding trough when you came in - guess what - it's lighter now and easier to carry out to the bin! ("Bin" is not the term for under your seat or the stairs)
2. If people are waiting to come in to see the film you are leaving, don't talk about the film, especially if there is a big twist. It's not funny, and if you do this, you are a twat..
Apart from that, I'm pretty easy going about going to the cinema ;).
Princess Mandibles
Cash
I walked into the supermarket the other day to be met with the sound of someone apparently winning the jackpot on a slot machine. 'Odd', I thought. 'Has Morrisons moved to Las Vegas in some horrible wormhole incident?'
Sauntering in the direction of the sound I saw something that did indeed look like a slot machine. On it there was a large illuminated sign saying 'Insert coins - Get Cash!' It turned out to be a machine where you bring all the change that you've accumulated in an old jar, put it into the machine and it spits out notes. Looking at the small print, however, the machine takes a small percentage as a fee for doing this.
Where to begin?
Firstly coins ARE cash. They are heavy in quantity, but just as spendy as notes. Secondly, you can take all your coins to the bank and swap them for notes there. The advantage is that the bank doesn't normally charge a fee for doing it. Yet apparently there are people who use this machine - enough to make it profitable anyway.
I despair!
Wintercat Mandibles
Wednesday 19 June 2013
Fade and repeat, fade and repeat, fade and repeat.....
Have we reached a point in our cultural evolution where we have seen it all before and everythig is more or less a repeat or repackage, or worse still a poor imitation of what has gone before? I contemplated this at the weekend when i spent time watching one of the many tribute bands on the live circuit these days, and it got me thinking about how much of our entertainment these days is a repackaged version of what has gone before.
For tribute bands i think theres a case to be argued in favour of them, as many of these original acts are either unlikely to reform, dont tour often (if at all) or may indeed be dead so it can be one of the few chances to hear certain tunes in a live context, which is for a lot of us how we learned to love the songs in the first place. That said, we`re required as an audience to participate in a game, where we know theyre not the real band, the band know they arent, but we`ll both pretend otherwise and a jolly fun time will be had with the accompaniment of tribute Irn Bru and tribute lager. But with a non-tribute hangover the next morning of course.
I suppose its kind of like having themed bar bands, although some of them do pull off the imitation extremely well.
Films are a another area where rehashing can be found in abundance. Granted there are some remakes/reboots/reimaginings/reheated in the microwaves which are fairly decent films, such as the most recent Star Trek films, and possibly the many others (fill in your own titles as your taste dictates), but for every one thats pretty good there are many, many which are just appalling. Things like the shot for shot remake of Psycho or the regurgitation of The Fog, theres just no real reason for them surely? The original Psycho still exists, why make another one just the same? The original of The Fog was a great film, but the remake adds nothing to new, and i did approach with an open mind, and lacks the feel and style of the 1980 version.
I cant say i have much knowledge of the medium, but does the same thing extend into the like of theatre?? Are many plays just weak imitations of those that have gone before? Would the same play with a different cast be considered a remake? Where does it end? Is this post an imitation of something i have seen elsewhere? Its possible it is, but its not conciously so and if i want to drag it off in a different direction completely by starting to write about my interest in the shoes of Paul McCartney, then i will. So there.
Anyway, Paul McCartney has had some interesting footwear over the years, hasnt he? The fascination for me began in 1972 at the age of 3......
Sir Crack Of Mandibles
For tribute bands i think theres a case to be argued in favour of them, as many of these original acts are either unlikely to reform, dont tour often (if at all) or may indeed be dead so it can be one of the few chances to hear certain tunes in a live context, which is for a lot of us how we learned to love the songs in the first place. That said, we`re required as an audience to participate in a game, where we know theyre not the real band, the band know they arent, but we`ll both pretend otherwise and a jolly fun time will be had with the accompaniment of tribute Irn Bru and tribute lager. But with a non-tribute hangover the next morning of course.
I suppose its kind of like having themed bar bands, although some of them do pull off the imitation extremely well.
Films are a another area where rehashing can be found in abundance. Granted there are some remakes/reboots/reimaginings/reheated in the microwaves which are fairly decent films, such as the most recent Star Trek films, and possibly the many others (fill in your own titles as your taste dictates), but for every one thats pretty good there are many, many which are just appalling. Things like the shot for shot remake of Psycho or the regurgitation of The Fog, theres just no real reason for them surely? The original Psycho still exists, why make another one just the same? The original of The Fog was a great film, but the remake adds nothing to new, and i did approach with an open mind, and lacks the feel and style of the 1980 version.
I cant say i have much knowledge of the medium, but does the same thing extend into the like of theatre?? Are many plays just weak imitations of those that have gone before? Would the same play with a different cast be considered a remake? Where does it end? Is this post an imitation of something i have seen elsewhere? Its possible it is, but its not conciously so and if i want to drag it off in a different direction completely by starting to write about my interest in the shoes of Paul McCartney, then i will. So there.
Anyway, Paul McCartney has had some interesting footwear over the years, hasnt he? The fascination for me began in 1972 at the age of 3......
Sir Crack Of Mandibles
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